Andie sat pushing her food around her plate with her fork, glancing in the general direction of Dinae occasionally. Her friend was trying to be helpful, she was sure, but she just couldn't hear anymore. It was killing her.
"You know how I feel about it, Dinae. I shouldn't have had these feelings, it was, like, rule motherfuckin' one. He said, 'No feelings.' and I was all, 'Teeheheh! OK!' Then I fell for him. Hard. Not even hard. I'm pretty sure that this is like my heart dropping off the Empire State Building and then smashing into the pavement."
She glowered at her salad. Stupid croutons, baked toast too hard to stab with her fork.
"I'm just saying you need to tell him how you really feel. That's all," Dinae answered soothingly.
Andie pouted. Dinae could get the croutons on her fork. What was with all these women being better than her?
She looked closely at her friend, with her perfectly straight red hair and green eyes. She was married to her former fuck buddy and was living a seemingly perfect life. It made Andie's heart sink into the pavement of the sidewalk outside of the Empire State Building.
She wondered what was higher than that. Maybe she could jump off of that next time.
"I have. I've told him so many times that I'm pretty sure all he hears coming from my mouth is, 'I'm absolutely totally in love with you and I'm being a ridiculous girl right now.' You know, the type of girl I'm always bitching about. The type of girl that has nothing really to offer. I'm such a mess right now, it's terrifying."
She pushed her salad away from her and laid her forehead on the table. "I could just die right now. She's so much better than me and I don't even know how."
Dinae looked at the top of Andie's head. Her roots were coming in, the shiny dirty blonde that she was when they first met. When Andie peaked up at her from behind the table's edge, Dinae took in the sight of her deep, dark, and troubled blue eyes. They weren't huge and doe-like, but the curve of them gave her a mysterious look. The bridge of her nose was slender.
Andie's face was beautiful. Full of expression and terrifying all at once. She had been called ugly throughout their whole childhood, but when she matured into adulthood it became a hard and striking face. Her lips were probably her best feature on her face. Or at least they would be if she would smile.
"You'll never know how, Andie. You don't want to."
"Yes, I do."
"Why? So you can change yourself for some stupid boy?"
"Yes." Andie pouted, resting her head on her hands and looking innocently up at her friend.
"No, you don't. If you ever found out all you would do is rage inside, realizing that you'll never be like that, that you'd never want to be such a sell-out."
"So, you think it's her job?"
"You're so impossible, Andie."
Andie smirked. The slight upward curve of her full lips gave her a mischievous look. Her eyes were bright now from the rapid conversation.
"Andie, I don't think she's better than you in any way. Look at you. You're a successful non-success. You have always bent situations your way and I know right now you are just mad that this is something you can't touch. You don't know her. Hell, I don't know her. I just know she's not better than you."
Dinae ran her fingers through her perfect hair, as Andie watched. It was a sign of frustration.
"You're biased because you love me."
"Andie. Everyone loves you. There are just people that don't want to admit it because you love too deeply. You always have. I mean, remember that failure of a marriage you had? You wanted it to work out so bad that you gave him all of you."
"If there was ever a lie on this Earth, that was it Dinae. I never gave him all of me. There was always a piece of Chris there to save me from making that mistake." Andie looked away as she lit a cigarette. There was a tear glistening in her eye.
"Why do you love him? Just why?" Dinae finally pushed her salad away.
"Because it's the right thing to do."
Andie stood up and walked away, living a handful of crumpled money on the table.
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